Wow, i envy most of you guys.I'm still deep in the closet. and slightly confused i might say.
I'm full of imaginations since i was a kid, and back then in my imaginations, i was a male into girls so it all seemed innocent but then my 'character' in my head turns into a girl as i grow up and that's when i realise that something is sort of wrong when a girl is in love with another girl, i was 13 then and right on time, it was the big outbreak by the t.A.T.u. girls. Their songs have helped me through a lot.
For years, i've been denying myself, then trying to trap that feelings, then somehow embraced it, and then starts questioning again. I am definitely attracted to guys but the girls, damn there are just so much more attractions. I never had any 'experience' with guys. I had always been single because i'm not into the guys who liked me and the guys i liked weren't into me. As for girls, i really can't say. There were times when i would like a girl so much, approached them, subtly flirting with them, but when they showed a slight interest, i backed away. I had literally slept (no sex) with some other girls in one bed and i couldn't say that i enjoyed it. And when i was 18, this girl was into me, she would get into my bed at night and we'd cuddle and fool around and stuff. I used to like her and of course it all felt good.but then the next morning, i would wake up feeling grossed so after a few times of those 'bed moments', i kicked her out of my life. i stopped becoming her friends and just...hated her.can't look at her and just can't freaking stand her presence.

At that point, i was sure i wasn't a lesbian after all but then i got close to another girl who then became my best friend and i just fell in love with her. Real hard. She's the first person i came out to but she's as straight as a...straight thing. She accepted my sexuality at first and also about my feelings for her but after many long months of struggle, she thinks my feelings are getting in the way of our friendship so it's all down the drain now. Even so, i still think that there's love for her in a way.

Now i'm living a new life away from her and of course, i do have new interests but yeah, i just don't know where is this all going. and i can't come out of the closet to everyone. my social circle is homophobic. and my family would probably just kick me out or something. it's not a choice. i've been fine living in the closet but i've just recently watched an episode of "Glee". That girl Santana said she's angry and bitchy at everyone because she's frustrated that she can't let out her feelings towards another girl.

It just made me wonder if i've become a 'hard' person because of keeping all my feelings inside? Would i feel any better if i come out? darn, it sucks. and i'm not even sure i really am into girls due to my past 'experience'. :/

I'm multi-sexual (and a cis female).

I find it sad and rather disgusting that someone who claims to be a fan of tATu would attempt to use the term 'lesbian' as an insult, especially against another tATu fan. For a band that was about helping those that feel different to accept and love themselves for who they are, some of the "fans" (I use the term loosely) can be extremely closed minded. Perhaps these fans are still battling with their own inner demons. In times where suicides amongst gay teens and young adults are gathering a lot of publicity, we need to do all that we can to help.

If anybody read and felt hurt by the words of the deleted post, even if they weren't directed at you specifically, please feel free to PM us - any of the Community moderators/administrators.

"Be in love, be yourselves, we are" - t.A.T.u.

People sometimes said bad things when they are angry especially in here "internet" where the freedom is at his paroxysm.

Angry or not. There was something my mom used to say to me "When you are in rage, you speak what you truly believe" And it's true. Even if you take it back after saying it, you are expressing what you really think. And to me, as a fan, I can't understand how some people can call themselves "fans" when they are *so* close-minded and so agressive towards gay people. That's one of the things I hate the most - discrimination. Doesn't matter if you say it in rage or calm, it's something you should *never* say. Never.

Well, in that case, that doesn't work this way for me. When i am angry, i can say globally shit. When people are pissing me off, i can say "f****** gay" or "lesbian" not because i am against them but just because i am angry.
But it's really rare.

If it works for you to manage your rage, fine. We who know you won't take such comment so seriously because we know you would never say something like that with the intention to hurt or discriminate someone. But you should really try to work on it because in 1 minute of rage you can *literally* kill someone by saying such words.

well I've just realized I haven't write anything bout my "story" so uhmmm I guess here we go xD

What's my sexuality ?
-I'm bisexual (:

When did I discovered it?
-Uhmmm well I've always been attracted to both hehehe boys and girls, when I was younger I was like like ohhhh she's cute, pretty etc... but it was normal to me, then uhmmm with my current girlfriend before I realized I liked her she told me about a guy that was into her and she was asking me for advices and guess what ??? I was jealous and sad xD and then everything was sooooo clear to me, we treated ourselves wayyy more than just friends, me being sad and jealous, me liking girls too, it was just there but I didn't see it until that happened, now it's normal to be like *_________* that for girls and saying it

Not everyone knows it, some friends know people who I trust like everything (: some cousins but I think I'm kinda obvious and I hope someday everyone knows it but I'm taking my time for it not to be like so shocking to everyone

angelnine6 wrote:But you should really try to work on it because in 1 minute of rage you can *literally* kill someone by saying such words.

Yep, and that's why i am trying to not say it in front of people.

I think its sad that people use the words gay and lesbian as swearing, because som guys in my school called me a lesbo in a negative way and they made me feel so bad about myself that I started to cut myself with razor blades..
now I dont care what they say, but I think people should think about what they say because it can really hurt people mentally.